Mothers

Recently, I have been considering what it means to be a mother. There is really a lot involved. You spend years doing what you think is the best that you can do to later be told by your children all the things that you failed to do. I know that not all mothers experience this, but there is an aweful lot of them that do. I think that of those who think about it, we as women go into this experience with high hopes for our children. We have grand ideas about what our children will become or how they will succeed where we have failed. I don't think that the majority of us go in intending to make mistakes.

It is easy for me to look back at my own mother and see the things that she imparted on me that I value and want to pass on to my own children, but it is also easy to see her shortcomings and the things that I felt at one point or another were damaging. I suppose I could choose to be angry with her for all the things she failed to do or not do. I could blame her for all of my own shortcomings, hoping that somehow that would fix the situation, but that would only make me bitter.

Growing up, we always had food on the table, clothes on our backs, and a roof over our head. Even in the early years, when things were really hard financially, we were always taken care of. My mom always talked to me. She always told me why she didn't want me to do certain things. This helped me to develop good reasoning skills in certain situations. She also shared things with me about her life and why she had made the decisions that she did. She told me about her tragedies and hopes and the things that she wished she had done differently. This helped me to be a good communicator and maybe what some would call too transparent. At times, I would have said that I knew too much about my mom...that maybe in some areas I wished she had not shared certain things. This would be one of the areas that in the past I would have said I wished she had done differently. Now though, I see that because she shared that information with me I have learned about discretion and what it means to hold certain things closer to your heart. That there are things that my children don't need to know. For example, my private relationship with my husband is private and doesn't need to be discussed with my children. This doesn't mean I can't talk to them about the value of that relationship, why it is important, and how when they get older and get married it should be important to them. They can know that we both make mistakes and need to apologize for them to each other, but they don't need to know every mistake that we make. There should be a line between child and adult. Obviously, that changes a little as children grow into adults themselves, but not to the point where they know everything. So, instead of being upset with my mom for sharing intimate details of her life with me, I have just used it as a learning opportunity on what I do and don't want to share with my own children or anyone else for that matter. It is possible to have open communication with people without disclosing certain private details. If someone asks me about private things, I can say, "I am not going to share private details about my own life, but I will say that I think blah blah blah is an important part of blah blah blah for this reason...(replace blah blah blah with whatever we are discussing)."

I could have also been upset with my mom for having to take care of her when she had too much to drink and involving me in her arguments, but through that I have learned a lot too. First, I learned how to care for someone in need, how to put others ahead of myself at times, and how to help mediate an argument when needed. I also learned how to stay calm in situations where others may scream and yell. Finally, I learned that it is really hard to be young and have to take care of your parent. So it is important to try to make sure that my kids know how to handle crisis situtions that may arise so they can take care of us if needed in an emergency, but also that I don't want to put my kids into those types of situations needlessly.

As well as the things I mentioned earlier, some of the other good things that my mom worked hard to teach me are of great value to me also. She made sure that I respected authority figures, could empathize with others, knew the value of hard work, and that she loved me unconditionally, etc... These things I want to pass on to my children because I think they are important and valuable as well.

I guess the things that I need to take into motherhood are that I am going to make mistakes. There are going to be challenges and rough times and I am not going to know what to do. I might do the wrong thing, but hopefully my kids will be able to learn from that too. In all these things, I pray that God will help Robert and I to make good decisions and to seek Him first in everything that we teach to our kids. I pray that He helps us to stay close to Him throughout our lives so our children can see the value of a strong relationship with God. Above all, I pray that our children grow up to love God with all of their hearts, love others and love themselves. As a mother, if I manage that, I will have succeeded (with God's help of course) at my job. After that, I pray that wherever I fall short as a mom that God will fill in the gap and teach them what they need to know that I was unable to. (Um...God, I think you already know this, but that was for you...Thanks and Amen!)

Love is not just a feeling...

I found this framed poem at a thrift store and fell in love with it. It is by Anita Robertson and explains Godly love so well. I know that after five years of marriage, Robert and I are still newly weds in the grand scheme of things. While I love him more today than on our wedding and we have seen some challenges through, I know that in the world we live in it is far too common to give up on love when things aren't smooth sailing. I hope that this poem holds true for us when we are rocking our grandchildren. How beautiful would that be?

Our youthful passion would have scoffed
at the deep belonging we now feel,
the knowledge that our love is enhanced by,
but not dependent on, the fire in our bones.

Although our wedding garments no longer fit,
you are more exciting to me now
than when we first joined hands at the alter.
We have journeyed far enough together
that even the wrinkles and silver-splashed hair are dear.

It is your essence that I love,
the person you have become as, side by side,
we battled our way through the dailies.
Illness, tragedy and loss have transformed us
into who we now are: Warriors...overcomers

Out of the churning cauldron of struggle has come
the discovery that love is not just a feeling
but a decision.

Two rough stones when we married,
we have polished and burnished each other,
emerging refined and secure in the vows we made,
cleaving only to each other.

Our love will endure
for better, for worse; for richer, for poorer;
in sickness and in health, until one of us
gently lays the other into the arms of God.

The narrow path...

As a Christian, I have had the opportunity to see a lot of amazing things. Things that non-believers may never understand. One of the most amazing of all is the "love" of God that is so different than the love of the world. Love of the world is very "me" focused. It changes from week to week, month to month, year to year. If you love someone with a worldly love, you can get tired of them, disappointed, irritated...and stop loving them. God's love (or real love) does none of these things. You can start in Mathew in the New Testament and see account after account of how Jesus said to love people. In Mathew 5:44, he says, "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." In Mathew 22:37 he says to, "honor your father and mother, and love your neighbor as yourself." Then in Mark chapter 12, Jesus tells the crowd that the two most important Commandments are to Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength and to Love your neighbor as yourself. He then goes on to say that these two things are more important than burnt offerings and sacrifices (works and deeds).

It is really sad that our world has turned away from this kind of love. We don't want to take responsibility for our own actions or admit that we make mistakes, so we blame those we say we love or someone else outside ourselves. We refuse to admit that we have done wrong. Romans 3:23 says, "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." If we look inside ourselves, we will see countless times in our lives where we have said cruel things, been dishonest, rude, uninterested, or harsh; mislead, turned our backs on, or thought horrible things about someone. The list goes on. None of us are guiltless.

So, should that be it? Well...lets look at it. What happens when you are rude or dishonest to someone? How does that make them feel? Or better yet, how does it make you feel when someone does that to you? We don't want others to treat us that way, yet we justify ourselves when we do it to others. The Bible calls all of these things sin...along with greed, lust, glutony, hate, murder, hypocrisy, etc. In John 8:34 Jesus says, "I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave to sin." Also, in the first part of Romans 6:23 Jesus says that "the wages of sin is death." If you don't believe me, look around. We have seen an increasing "death" in marriage over the past century. We have seen our children killing each other on the streets due to pride and jealousy. Diseases that would not touch us if we were faithful to one person have taken over our world because of lust and envy. Whole groups of people are killed because of hate and greed. Still other groups rotting and dying from drug overdoses, alcoholism, obesity, etc all so they can escape the reality of their lives. So...would you say the Bible is correct in that area? When you really look at it, does it not make sense? Haven't all these people paid with their lives?

Luckily, God doesn't leave us hanging because he knew from the beginning that we couldn't do it on our own. That if we were left to our own devices (and a lot still are), that we would die. So, He sent us his son. Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. So basically God says to us, I know that you are human and that you can't help but do wrong. I know that if I did nothing you would be guilty and have to die. So, because I love you, I will give you a way to be justified. I will send my son to earth who is guiltless to die for you. He will pay the price for your sins. We see in our society that blood equals life. If someone looses too much, they die. You can donate blood to save someone's life. So, Jesus (who had perfect blood) died to save the world. Earlier, I quoted the beginning of Romans 6:23. Luckily it ends with "but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." Also, I said before, John 8:34 said, "everyone who sins is a slave to sin." But if you read on to 35 Jesus follows up with, "Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. 36 So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed."

I can tell you from experience that this freedom in Christ is amazing and transforming and it's as simple as this: In Romans 10 it says, "That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. 11 As the Scripture says, "Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame." 12 For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile--the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, 13 for, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." 14 How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? 15 And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!"

So I guess the question is: Do you want this kind of love for yourself? Do you want to be able to share this kind of love with others? When you pray to God for salvation you become a new creation because he washes away all of your sins. He forgives and forgets everything. If you believe that He can do this, all you have to do is pray to Him. Tell him that you know that you are a sinner, but that you believe that Jesus, who was perfect died for you and rose again on the third day. Ask Him to forgive you of your sins and to come into your heart and be the Lord of your life. Then thank Him for saving you.

The next step is to start getting to know Him. Just like any relationship, you have to talk and listen in order to build a strong and lasting bond. So pray often. If you are uncomfortable praying around others, pray in a quiet solitary place or in your head (God can hear you). Read the Bible. Not only is it God's love story to us, but it is the way he communicates with us. If someone tells you that God told them something that doesn't line up with what is in the Bible, it's not true. Find a good church. Talking and listening with others believers is a great way to help understand what the Bible is saying, to see how God is working in others, and to share how God is working in you. Along this journey, you should also think about getting baptized. This is an outward sign of the inward change that has happened in your life. It is also a great way to show obedience to God.

Matthew 3:13 Then Jesus came from Galilee to the Jordan to be baptized by John. 14 But John tried to deter him, saying, "I need to be baptized by you, and do you come to me?" 15 Jesus replied, "Let it be so now; it is proper for us to do this to fulfill all righteousness." Then John consented. 16 As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and lighting on him. 17 And a voice from heaven said, "This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased."

Next, please feel free to ask questions. The Bible says to seek wisdom, so always be willing to look for ways to learn and grow. Welcome to the family!