I am currently reading a book called "The Road Best Traveled" by Ray Pritchard. The chapter that I just read was called "Trapped on a Dead-end Street." It was all about the things that we do in our lives that make us feel trapped. It uses the story of the Prodigal Son from the Bible to illistrate the different ways that we can end up out of God's will and thus trapped by sin. For those of you who don't know that story...here it is.
http://www.biblestudytools.com/OnlineStudyBible/bible.cgi?passage=lu+15&version=niv&showtools=0
The story begins with verse 11, but I included the whole chapter so you could see the context.
Anyway, I think the message here is that both sons were outside of God's will. In the beginning, the son who left was selfish, wanted to do what he wanted to do, and didn't care how his actions affected others. The older son stayed behind and did all the work and continually helped his father. When the younger son came home, the older one was vengeful and felt that his father should not forgive the younger son for everything that he did. The father, however, was so excited to have the younger son home after he had been gone for so long that he threw a party to celebrate and honored the younger son. The younger son had realized how much he had hurt his father and felt he was not worthy to be his son anymore. The father didn't think that at all. He have him a robe, a signet ring, cooked the best calf, and restored him to his place of honor. He was just happy to have him home. The father represents God and how as soon as we decide that we have been traveling down the wrong path... He welcomes us home.
So, back to the book. I thought it was interesting how the author pointed out how much God loves us. 1) He loves us enough to let us go. 2) He loves us enough to let us hit rock bottom. 3) He loves us enough to let us come back. 4) He loves us so much that he will run to meet us. (p 168)
On a side note...I have heard so many people talk about how if God was real, he wouldn't let all the bad things happen in the world. Logically, that just doesn't add up. When you teach your child to ride a bike, it is natural to hold on to the back of the seat so they don't fall over, but at some point you have to let go and hope that when they fall it isn't too hard. Otherwise, they never learn how to ride for themselves.
Ok, so back to the original story. On to the older son. His being outside of God's will has to do with unforgiveness. This is an area that I have struggled with for a good amount of my life. I have held onto anger and resentments that ate at me for years. Since getting to know God, I have had several breakthroughs in this area that have taught me some very valuable lessons.
First, for many years, I was very angry with my step dad. I had grown up wanting to feel worth something to him. As a kid, he said many things to me that were devaluing. I always seemed to feel that I didn't measure up and wasn't good enough in his eyes. I was a pretty chunky kid and I think in his attempt to try to make me change he made a lot of comments about that. So, when I was 19, he and I had a pretty big fight. I told him things that I always wanted to tell him and it lifted a huge weight off my chest. It seemed that our relationship got a lot better after that. Around the same time, I lost a large amount of weight. Then...over the next few years, my mom and him separated, our whole family kind of fell apart and I ended up meeting my ex and moved to Washington state. I continued to talk to him pretty regularly until he met someone new who he wanted to marry. When it came time for my wedding, I made a special call to him to tell him about a low cost flight so that he could come to the wedding. He said that he couldn't come because he didn't have the money. I knew that this wasn't true. It hurt me so bad that I never talked to him again. Several years later I got the call that he was in the hospital with cancer and I instantly didn't feel angry with him anymore and wanted to go see him. He died before I could get there. In the end, I didn't have the need to be valued by him anymore. I only wanted him to know that I loved him and forgave him. I understood that there were things that he was just unable to do because of who he was. I couldn't change him.
Then, there was my mom's fiance. I was extremely angry with him for several years after my mom died. For the first couple of years, it ate at me and the thought of seeing him somewhere was almost scary to me. Then I decided in my mind that I was going to forgive him because it was too hard on me to carry that burden. It wasn't real forgiveness though because every once in a while the anger would still creep in. Then, earlier this year, I was planning a trip to Phoenix. While taking a bath one night I felt like God was talking to me. He said that when I go to Phoenix, I need to visit John and extend forgiveness to him in person. I was instantly scared. I didn't want to do it. I didn't know what would happen or if I would be able to do it. So, I just dismissed the thought. On a Monday night while in Phoenix, I was driving back from my dad's house. I was getting ready to come up to the freeway exit that would lead me to my mom's fiance's house. I again felt God was telling me that now was the time to go to him and apologize for my part in the situation that had happened between us after my mom died and forgive him for his part. So I reluctantly went as my heart was racing. I pulled up and prayed, "God, please help me to do your will and keep me safe." I also called Robert and let him know where I was and what I was doing. He was a little worried too, but I told him that I felt God was telling me to do it and that I would be disobeying if I didn't. So I went to the door and knocked. He answered and looked somewhat surprised and said "hi, come on in, you're not going to yell at me are you?" I said, "no, I'm not going to yell." So I went in and we chatted with his new girlfriend for a few minutes. I then told him that I had come for a reason and that I wanted to talk to him about something. We went and sat down in the living room and I told him that I was sorry for my part in the issue that we had five years earlier. That I was more concerned with things than I was with him as a person and that I didn't take the time to consider how much pain he was in at the loss of my mom. I said that I knew that we were both under a tremendous amount of stress and suffering at the time and were not in our right minds. He then apologized to me for his part in everything and told me that if there was anything else that I wanted of my mom's that he would gladly give it to me. I didn't want anything.
The funny thing about that last situation was that Robert and I have been trying to conceive for years with no luck. The month I got home from that trip, I found out I was pregnant. I really believe that God was blessing me for being faithful to Him. That doesn't mean that if something were to happen to this child that it would be a curse. To me, just being pregnant is a blessing. I believed for many years that I would not concieve because I couldn't get pregnant. So, knowing that I can is a blessing in itself. Having the child will be a double blessing. Yes, I would be really sad if something were to happen and I hope I am past the point where something will, but I have learned that suffering and pain bring us closer to God. He shows his love the most when we need him. I pray for many wonderful years with our child, but ultimately everything happens in God's time. The good thing is that I can now say that I have no resentments that I am holding onto with anyone. God has really helped me work through that. I feel amazingly free. Thank God!
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